Some sexologists define premature ejaculation as having an orgasm before you want to. Well, in that case, most men suffer from it. Another possible definition is that the man has an orgasm before the woman wants him to. That is, before she's had at least one orgasm and possibly several. In practice, that's also very vague.
Perhaps, then, a time can be put on sex to
define premature
ejaculation? Back in Alfred Kinsey's day (as he demonstrated), most men
ejaculated within two minutes of penetration on more than half the occasions
they had sex. Since then, skills have improved. Typically, now, intercourse is
thought to continue for about three minutes.
Therefore, this question of 'premature' isn't as clear as it may seem. Quite
probably, if you're worried that you're premature, you're no different to most
other men. There are various ways in which you can delay ejaculation during
intercourse:
Have sex more often.
If you don't have a regular partner, or your regular partner doesn't want sex often enough, masturbate to ejaculation more frequently.
When you masturbate, practise the control techniques described below.
Wear a condom; if you already use condoms, select a thicker model.
Choose positions that provide less sensation, such as the sitting sex position.
Don't thrust, but while keeping your penis fully inserted, merely grind against her pelvic area.
Remember that most women aren't interested in marathon intercourse. They can get sore or numb. It may be better to put more effort into what you do before intercourse and worry less about the length of intercourse itself.
The first thing to fix very clearly in your mind is that the goal of sex is not ejaculation. You'll inevitably ejaculate, unless you try very hard not to. So don't get fixated on it. The more quickly you ejaculate, the more you deprive yourself of all the exquisite sensations that can only be enjoyed prior to ejaculation. Keep that in mind. What you want to do is revel in all the pleasure that precedes ejaculation.
It could be that you have low serotonin (a chemical that cools down your sex drive). Try eating something sugary, say a few pieces of chocolate, a quarter of an hour before sex. And when you are on your own, get a clock and put it in a prominent place. Determine that you'll masturbate for a specific length of time before you allow yourself to orgasm. That length of time depends on your typical response - as a guide, begin by doubling the longest amount of time you've ever managed before.
The 'trick' is to learn to recognize the approach of the point of no return, aka the point of ejaculatory inevitability. Once you have a good erection, slow down and give yourself just enough stimulation to maintain it. Let's call this the base level. How does it feel? Enjoy the sensations without needing to intensify them. After a while, increase the stimulation a little and then let it die back to the base level again. Repeat this a few times. Now take the stimulation to a higher level and once again let it die back to the base level. Eventually you're going to get close to that point. You'll recognize it by a greater feeling of urgency and craving for orgasm. You'll probably feel things tensing up at the root of your penis. Don't give in. Immediately cease stimulation and, once again, let things die down. Quite probably some fluid will have escaped. This is helpful, because the more that seeps out without you actually ejaculating, the less urgent your desire for orgasm will be. Keep up this approaching and retreating from the point of ejaculatory inevitability until the determined length of time has expired.
Basically, you can do exactly the same thing during intercourse by thrusting and then not thrusting. Of course, intercourse is far more complicated because of the extra stimulation provided by your partner who can also move. You'll have to agree a signal that means: 'Please don't move any more.' Holding your partner's hips still is probably the most convenient.
You may have to continue your masturbation 'homework' for a few weeks before things improve. Vary it by sometimes ending masturbation without ejaculation - just get on with something else and forget about it. While this 'training' is going on, also aim to discover the optimum frequency. For example, if you masturbate every other day does that make it easier to control ejaculation? Or does it have to be every day? Twice a day? Find out.
Naturally, if you can ejaculate a second time within a short while then the fact that your first orgasm was premature doesn't matter very much. The second won't be. Instead, you'll be able to last much longer in bed for men than you were and control your ejaculation.
Most men suffer from erectile dysfunction at some time. There can be a whole variety of causes ranging from overwork through emotional stress to the use of certain medications.
William Masters and Virginia Johnson considered that erectile dysfunction was largely a psychological problem and, for many years, that was the prevailing view. Now, however, doctors consider it to be largely a physical problem.
To begin with, you might simply be trying to have ejaculatory sex too often. As you saw, men need time for the body to become ready once again. As men get older, so this 'refractory' period gets longer and longer. If you try to have sex too soon, you may be capable of it - just - but it won't be with the same ease and vigour as it would be if you'd waited a while. Give yourself a little break. Check your responsiveness by masturbating (but don't ejaculate). Note that we're talking here about ejaculatory sex because it's principally (but not only) ejaculation that causes the refractory period. Switch to the techniques of multiple male orgasm and the Tao and you'll be making fewer demands on your body.
Just one failure to erect can lead to anxiety, and anxiety is the enemy of erection. As a result, it's vital that neither you nor your partner gets tense about it. Don't go staking all your masculinity on it. And think about her as well; she may feel that her femininity is under threat because she failed to excite you. Instead, both of you need to develop the mindset that if it happens it doesn't matter because there are still plenty of other things you can do. William Masters and Virginia Johnson developed a therapy which, basically, worked on this principle. Couples were told they could caress but that they couldn't have intercourse. Once the pressure was off in this way, a lot of men started to have erections again.
If you're not doing the PC muscle exercises, get started right now. There's no question that they improve the circulation, increase erection and produce more vigorous orgasms. Also, have another look at the sex techniques you're using. If you're not yet using some of the more powerful methods, then start trying them out; it's a fact of life that as you get older, so you need more stimulation. You may find the penis enlargement massage described above helps You to get an erection where normal friction doesn't. Man-on top sex positions will be best simply because gravity will be helping the blood flow.
you may need to top up your testosterone and certain other chemicals. Your body's production of testosterone is not a constant; as men age, so production declines. Yet there are always things you can do to slow the decline and to give production a temporary nudge back up to the younger levels. Erotica will definitely give testosterone a boost. As you've seen, the enemies of testosterone and sex include:
alcohol
tobacco
a high fat intake
a paunch
lack of exercise
If you do have erectile dysfunction, you might like to consider the following herbs, minerals and supplements:
Nettle root - inhibits aromatase which, especially in men carrying a lot of fat, converts testosterone to the 'female' hormone oestrogen.
Saw Palmetto - helps to inhibit a chemical called 'sex hormone binding globulin' (SHBG) which ties up testosterone in the body; the result is an increase in the all important 'free' testosterone. It also inhibits enlargement of the prostate gland with age.
Zinc - aids conversion of estradiol to elimination products.
Korean red ginseng, L-Arginine and the hormone dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) have all been scientifically proven to have at least some benefit in certain circumstances. Cistanchis, Cynomorium songaricum, Damiana, Epimedium sagittatum (horny goat weed), Eurycoma longfolia, Maca, Mucuna pruriens, Muira puama, Tribulus terrestris. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that these are effective in various degrees.
Remember, the controls over food supplements are not the same as those for medicines. Supplements sent for analysis often don't contain the claimed ingredients and sometimes contain toxins. Only buy from the most reputable sources you can find.
If the problem seems to be serious and long term, you should seek professional advice. Viagra is only the most famous of a whole range of treatments that are now available, and only a professional can decide what's right for you. Don't self-medicate with prescription drugs from the internet; drugs should only be prescribed by a doctor after a medical check-up.
If you prefer not to take 'drugs', a type of magnet therapy called pulsed electromagnetic field (PEMF) therapy may be for you. You have to wear a little box containing the apparatus close to the genitals.
Contact - rpdphillips@gmail.com