Relationship Issues & Speed Of Ejaculation

What Are The Men Doing?

There are many posts on social media from women asking for advice about because their boyfriend or husband cannot ejaculate during sex.

But what are the men doing? Why are their womenfolk taking responsibility for their man’s problem?

Well, for sure, women like to discuss issues like this. They may think they are not attractive and maybe that’s why the man is having difficulties ejaculating. They may be expressing regret, guilt and self blame.

And there is a feminine aspect to this of course. Often they say sex has to stop on account of their vaginal soreness and irritation before their partner’s ejaculated. These are things women can help each other with.

But really, what’s obvious from these discussions is that these women are not talking to their partners about the problem of sex which lasts too long – they are talking to strangers on an internet forum!

Which might make you think the first step in finding an effective delayed ejaculation treatment is for the partners in a relationship to start communicating about it!

And so it is. Because sometimes all that’s needed to change things for the better is open and honest communication.

For when a man and his wife start talking about his difficulty ejaculating they immediately begin the healing. 

So, if a man has difficulty achieving orgasm, a good first step is for the couple to start a discussion around how they feel about sex.

Men often resist talking about their feelings, but difficulties such as this clearly need to be talked about openly and honestly. But women can hep men open up and express their feelings about sex in general, and their relationship in particular.

Some men  who have difficulty reaching the point of sexual climax may be “withholding” their orgasm because they don’t trust the loss of control that’s involved in that special moment of peak sexual pleasure.

You could say this is a matter of trust because it looks like they are frightened of losing control and so are not able to let go or release. 

Video – Men Trusting Women

Video – Women Trusting Men

In every man there is a little boy who lives with what happened to him in adolescence or childhood. What that boy trusts or doubts influences how the adult man acts in the world.

So perhaps, for men with delayed ejaculation, the experience of “holding on” somehow feels safer than the experience of “letting go” and releasing. 

That more likely when you see orgasm and ejaculation as a metaphor for releasing energy or putting yourself forward in the world.

You can get clues about this with the right questions. Was the little boy inside the adult man hurt by a woman? What was his relationship with his mother like? What was the sexual atmosphere in his family like when he was a kid?

Sexual intimacy can be threatening for a man who has trust issues or has been hurt in some way in his childhood.

However, the man’s partner as an adult is not his mother, so it’s important that she doesn’t take responsibility for the man’s ejaculatory problem.

The Consequences Of Delayed Ejaculation

Of course, most women enjoy sexual penetration when they’re aroused, and most like the experience of a man ejaculating inside them. I’d say this is fundamental to the sexual and emotional happiness of a great many women.

Which may be why so many women feel inadequate when a man makes love for a prolonged period of time yet does not ejaculate inside them.

So when discussing this with a partner, it’s entirely appropriate for a woman to explain to a man how his inability to speed up his ejaculation makes her feel, both physically and emotionally.

At the very least she is entitled to set down some guidelines for sexual activity: the use of lubricants, perhaps. Or taking breaks during penetration when intercourse lasts for a long time.

Women may see themselves as passive victims of their husband or boyfriend’s inability to come during sex. But this is not true. In fact, a woman has an active role to play in helping a man speed up his ejaculation and enjoying normal sex.

Of course, he has a role to play here too: first of all, he has to reassure his partner that he is happy to be in a relationship with her.

He has to ensure she understands this problem is not necessarily about her attractiveness. (As you can well imagine, if it is about her attractiveness, there are other, deeper, relationship issues to be addressed.)

Even so, delayed ejaculation can be successfully treated without addressing the underlying issues provided the couple are basically happy to stay together.

When issues around sex are dealt with, the overall relationship often becomes more enjoyable as well. That’s because the intimacy of enjoyable sexual intercourse helps both men and women express their love.