As far as a lot of people concerned there’s still a “double standard” around relationships and dating. And so for many poeple, men are expected to make the first move, and women are expected to be the recipients of their advances.
Sure, that doesn’t always apply, and there are more enlightened people out there who know that it’s perfectly acceptable for women to make the first move, but in general the old patterns still have a lot of influence over how people meet their mates.
Video – what to do after a break up
Certainly for men who have problems in approaching women this can be difficult. There’s a male confidence issue here: it’s important for a man to feel he’s strong and masculine, and has the confidence to approach women and speak to them, but at the same time many men don’t know how to do this and they certainly fear rejection!
Fortunately there’s plenty of information on the Internet which can be useful and helpful for men in this situation – and indeed, for women in this situation, if they want to take a more proactive role in relationship repair and renewal.
One of the authors who stands out in the field from men who want to meet women is Joshua Pellicer, who’s written a program called the Tao of Badass – which simply means knowing The Way Of The Man (who can approach women successfully and confidently).
(You see, a Badass dating experience is one which a man has when he is at the top of his game in the mating and dating arena.) So how can this help – you?
First of all, The Tao of Badass offers a great way of understanding the basics of meeting and greeting women, such as understanding body language, knowing when a woman is interested in you.
Then it moves on to what you can do and say when you actually approach a woman and start talking to them.
But there’s a lot more to it than this: there’s a whole section in the Tao of Badass about gender differences, designed to help men understand the differences between men and women, and in particular to understand better how women think.
The idea is that men will be able to – well, if not exactly “second-guess” a woman – at least feel more confident in responding to a woman.
This may sound like a throwback to the manipulative techniques of the pickup artists, but it really isn’t.
This is much more about producing an information manual that will help men understand women each other, and therefore communicate without the difficulties that so often and so easily rise in male-female communication due to misunderstandings.
You see, understanding someone of the other gender isn’t easy, because you can’t get inside their head and work out what’s behind what they are saying and thinking and feeling. In short, what’s going on for them?
A good way of improving communication is to get some information about the emotional dynamics which are important for men and women.
After A Break Up
Another interesting situation arises when a relationship broken up: from the number of websites on the Internet designed to help people get back together with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, you might be forgiven for thinking that almost everyone who breaks up regrets it and immediately wants to get back with their ex-partner.
Obviously that’s not always true, yet even so there are many products available about whether you can persuade your ex to re-enter into a relationship. Whether this is a good thing is open to debate, but once again we run right up against the fact that so many people don’t have the information and knowledge they need to conduct a relationship successfully.
If you can’t get this information from your friends, from your father or mother, or an older brother or sister, then one good place to get it from is the Internet.
Clearly the question of how to get back with an ex-partner is an interesting dilemma for many people because even starting that process can be fraught with difficulties and – to be honest – fear.
To have someone on your side who knows a little bit about dating and mating can be very helpful, and to that end I’ve written found a site which can give you some pointers if you’re in this unhappy situation.
So what ARE you going to do if you have an ex-partner constantly in your thoughts?
The first thing is obviously to decide whether or not getting back with them is the right thing to do.
Obviously you can’t move on while your head is still full of thoughts of an ex-partner – so here’s a tip: feeling sad, lonely disappointed, or even angry is completely normal after a breakup. Those feelings don’t necessarily mean that it be the right thing to do if you choose to get back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
You have to move on, into a place you can realistically judge whether or not they are indeed the right person for you and you’ve made the worst mistake of your life in breaking up, or you’re simply feeling the loss of something that’s been valuable to you in one way or another.
You could start by talking to a friend whom you trust, or perhaps even a relationship counsellor who can bring a more objective view to what’s happening.
A good way to work out whether or not you really are attached your ex-partner or merely to the memory of the fun times you had together is to remove everything that reminds you of your ex boyfriend or girlfriend from your environment, and do some more psychological “work” (therapy). You could start this yourself by listing all the reasons that you’re better off without them, and by listing all the bad energies that he or she brought the relationship.
A good way to end a relationship completely is to go “no contact” – whether or not you want to take that dramatic step is up to you, but of course if you are going to try and get back together with them that approach isn’t going to get you very far!
You have to remember that in your everyday life the relationship ghost is going to haunt you in every way you can imagine for quite some time – via your mobile phone, your Internet connection, and in what your friends and family say – usually offering their unwanted opinions on all these kind of things! So perhaps it’s going to be best for you to seek out some help and support from a professional.