The Solution To Delayed Ejaculation?
There are many theories about why delayed ejaculation starts, but some of the most plausible are, in fact, some of the most misleading.
1) Penile Insensitivity
You often read about penile insensitivity as a cause of ejaculatory problems.
But unless a man has had so many operations on his penis that the sensitive nerve endings have become buried under scar tissue, or unless he has some serious neurological problem, it’s extremely unlikely that he will have anything other than a completely normal level of sensitivity in his penis.
Saying that a man’s penis is insensitive to stimulation really means that the way those nerve impulses are processed in the brain somehow doesn’t produce the right level of sexual arousal.
That’s the level that catapults a man up to the point of ejaculatory inevitability, the level of arousal that will take him to orgasm. There’s absolutely no evidence for penile insensitivity as a cause of delayed ejaculation. A lack of sensitivity in the penis is not likely to be a cause of this problem.
As I said, the problem is much more about how your brain responds to sexual stimulation. Since around one man in twelve has a problem ejaculating, it’s certainly worth giving this serious consideration.
2) Prescription Medications & Ejaculation Problems
Certain drugs are responsible for slowing or inhibiting ejaculation. To start with, there are many prescription medications, as well as a number of so-called recreational drugs, which inhibit the ejaculatory reflex.
So if you having difficulty ejaculating, the first place to look is at any medication that you may be taking. High on the list of suspects as the cause of delayed ejaculation are mood altering drugs for anxiety and depression, blood pressure drugs, and a number of others.
So check with your doctor, see if ejaculatory inhibition is one of the known side effects of your medication, and if it is then ask your doctor for an alternative which will not have the same impact on your sexuality.
3) “Idiosyncratic Masturbation Patterns”
In other words, a teenager may learn to masturbate by thrusting his penis against an object, or using hard and fast hand movements, which provide lots of stimulation and pressure.
In fact, they provide so much stimulation and pressure that it becomes impossible to ejaculate without that level of stimulation. And normal sexual intercourse can’t come close to offering that level of stimulation.
Fortunately, this kind of “conditioning” of the body’s response to sexual stimulation can be reversed, if you know how to do it. In some ways this is easier to deal with than other causes because it tends not to involve deep psychological or emotional issues like a fear of sex.
4) Emotional And Other Factors
The most obvious place to look for the more subtle or complicated causes of delayed ejaculation is in a couple’s relationship. That’s because one of the noticeable things about men who have ejaculation problems is their general discomfort with emotional issues and intimacy. It’s as though opening up, engaging fully with a partner is too scary. And then – somehow – the emotional withholding is translated into sexual withholding.
It’s almost like the lack of ejaculation is an expression of a wish to keep a distance between you and your partner.
Now, why would such ejaculation problems develop?
There are many possible reasons, as you might guess. The most common being anger, resentment, shame and guilt. Fear is a big player too.
But whatever the cause of emotional distancing, the effect is relationship problems and sexual difficulty. Intimacy and great sex (even good sex) imply control of ejaculation.
Perhaps the simplest way of looking at this is to say that when a man’s not feeling fully intimate with his partner, he’s not going to be turned on by her and he’s not going to find her sexually appealing. Or at least he’s not going to find her as sexually appealing as he would if he felt emotionally closer to her.
Resentment, too, is a big killer of sexual desire. And what I’ve learned over the years is that many men have huge resentment about the role they are expected to play in sex. Even now, in these so-called liberated days, men generally take the role of leading and initiating sex. Often women make men responsible for “giving the woman an orgasm”. Often women are a bit more passive, choosing to receive, while letting the man be the active partner in sexual intercourse.
Delayed ejaculation can affect any couple who lose emotional connection. And a peculiar thing might happen: even though the man’s feeling resentful and not particularly aroused when he and his partner get sexual, he develops a hard erection which is long-lasting, and he can make love for ages without ejaculating.
And he may feel he’s the one who sustains sex within a couple and makes it happen, thrusting away furiously, but always resenting the role he’s playing.
Another possibility: he may come to prefer self-pleasuring rather than partnered sex. Some good news: if this happens to be you, you can get over this easily and quickly. Because when a couple are willing to get together and do some simple things to increase their feelings of intimacy and connection, then the magic begins to unfold!