Self help therapy for PE
There are several strategies that need to be used.The first is to make the man aware of his partner’s need for sexual satisfaction and pleasure before he reaches orgasm; he needs to guide her to climax through oral or manual stimulation if that’s what she desires.
Next, the couple must make a commitment to abstain from sexual intercourse for a certain period of time during which they follow the exercises described below until the man’s ejaculatory control has improved considerably.
The program of exercises described here should be practiced three times a week at least. They begin with manual stimulation.
To start with the woman masturbates her man until he is about to ejaculate.
She then applies the squeeze technique to control his orgasm whenever he senses that he is about to ejaculate (clearly he must be able to recognize this in good time).
The squeeze is applied by the woman – she simultaneously presses the pad of her thumb against the man’s frenulum (which is the fold of skin on the underside of the penis just below the head).
At the same time she puts the pad of her first finger over the coronal rim of the glans on the opposite side of the penis head with the second finger parallel to it on the shaft of the penis.
The pressure comes directly from the pads of her fingers and is maintained for about four seconds.
Pressure applied to the sides of the penis will be ineffective.
When a man feels discomfort, he tells his partner – that is a signal to her about the extent of the pressure that she can apply.
When she applies this pressure, the man’s erection will subside slightly and as it does so his sexual arousal will decrease as well. To be effective the squeeze technique should be applied at least three times in each session of training, just before the man ejaculates.
Success is assured with mutual co-operation
This means that the man needs to also develop the skill of recognizing when his arousal is high enough that he is on the verge of ejaculation.
And this is a common problem with men who suffer from PE: they do not recognize when they are about to ejaculate, and are constantly surprised by the speed with which it happens.
Self training with masturbation can help a man recognize this point and learn to resist the urge to head straight on to ejaculation.
However, assuming that the woman can stimulate her man to some point of arousal before his ejaculation becomes inevitable (she too can learn the signs that he is about to ejaculate), and then apply the squeeze on top of the penis, this is a powerful treatment for premature ejaculation and ejaculatory control will be achieved.
welcome the prospect of ejaculation control
Once the man’s erection has reduced in firmness and his arousal has decreased, his partner can begin to stimulate him again by hand, repeating this process up to 3 times in a session. On the fourth approach to the point of no return, he or she can continue stimulating him to orgasm and ejaculation.
By using the same technique in several sessions of training, no more than two days apart, the man soon begins to feel more confident about his ability to delay ejaculation. This is that the point at which the couple can move to genital to genital contact.
The woman sits aside her partner facing him, and moves his erect penis around her genital area, over her labia and clitoris, applying the squeeze technique whenever he feels that he is coming near to the point of ejaculation.
Sidebar: muscle control is about having good muscularity and control over all the muscles in your body – and to me this raises an important point. Control of premature ejaculation is not something that happens in isolation.
It’s part of a much bigger aspect of good bodily health, and in fact for that matter, good emotional health as well. What I mean by this is that if you’re fit and healthy, if you don’t carry excess weight, and your body is lean and muscular, it’s likely that you have a high level of fitness, and the muscles of your body will be very much more under your control.
If that’s true, then the pubococcygeal muscle (the pelvic floor) is likely to be strong, and also likely to be something that you can learn to control much more easily. This muscle group controls ejaculation.
If you’re not carrying excess weight, and your body is lean and muscular you’re going to feel confident and project this into your relationships with women – and nothing increases a man’s sexual performance better than confidence! What I’m suggesting is that you take some trouble to to get fit, and to build a better body.
And of course you don’t even have to be a bodybuilding fanatic to do this — there are plenty programs on the market like the Adonis Golden Ratio, a perfect body building program for the average man, which will allow you to get fit and healthy, and therefore confident, and therefore avoid premature ejaculation.
Once both he and she are confident that he’s achieved a degree of control over his ejaculation – which actually means he is experiencing a reduction in the speed with which he becomes aroused – then the technique can be applied during the first stages of intercourse.
The female partner positions herself astride him and guides his penis into her vagina, at which point they rest without moving – this is called a period of vaginal containment (i.e. the man rests his erection inside his partner with no movement).
This containment must go on for quite some time: this is possible because it’s highly likely that a man who lacks control of his ejaculation will not find his erection decreases, but that he remains aroused and hard, even without moving inside his partner.
When either he or she senses that he is coming close to ejaculating just because he is inside her, either he should tell her or she may sense it, and she should immediately lift herself off his penis.
She can then apply the squeeze technique to reduce his arousal. Once again, this procedure should be repeated at least three times before the man ejaculates.
It’s inevitable in training like this are that the man will occasionally ejaculate without control, but the couple can best respond by taking this as nothing more than an accident and laughing it off; this light-heartedness will make subsequent attempts developing control easier.
This is because anxiety, high expectations, or negative criticism will all work against the possibility of relaxing into a state where his ejaculation can be controlled.
What is actually needed is patient perseverance from both members of the couple, the loving support of the woman for the man, and the man’s increasing confidence in his ability to delay orgasm.
Good progress should be made in control after three or more sessions conducted in the manner described above, at which point the woman can begin to move her pelvis gently after her man has penetrated her.
Again, either he can tell her that he is reaching the point of no return, or she can sense it from the changes that she recognizes in his body as he nears the point of ejaculation.
Once again she stops moving, lifts off his penis, and uses the squeeze technique to slow him down, before resuming penetration and gentle movement.
With practice, it’ll be possible for the man to sustain an erection inside his partner without ejaculating for at least 15 minutes.
However, the trouble with this is that he’s not moving – he’s not thrusting. Nonetheless, perseverance, playfulness, and a constructive attitude to the process will enable him to develop the skill of ejaculation control.
Over time, using these techniques diligently, it will be possible for a man to feel confident enough so that he can increase the thrusting movement he enjoys during intercourse.
As he nears ejaculation, the woman does not necessarily need to lift his penis out of her vagina; instead she can apply pressure to the base of the penis using her thumb on the area just above the scrotum on one side and the first two fingers on the opposite side of the penile shaft; she applies pressure on the base of the shaft.
Again his penis should not be squeezed at either side.
In all this work, the woman on top sexual position is used because it provides the man with the least opportunity to thrust – and thrusting definitely speeds up a man’s ejaculation!
The man on top sexual position is a difficult one for men with a tendency to come quickly, because the muscular tension that it generates, and the power and depth of thrusting that is possible, both lead to premature ejaculation.
By using the squeeze technique and Sensate Focus exercises together, a couple can will increase the speed with which the man is able to develop control of his ejaculation through each stage of his sexual response cycle.
In addition, sensate focus exercises are very useful because they help a man to relaxing more into a different way of being sexually – based on sensual touching and leisurely intercourse.
They also enhance the emotional relationship between a man and a woman in relationship.