Time To Deal With Erectile Dysfunction Part 3

We know that the most common and reliable approach to erectile dysfunction is to use Viagra, perhaps combined also sexual therapy. But there are also a number of other things you can do which will aid any treatment you have for erection problems. Some of them are described in this book on erection problems.

The first one is all about tuning into your body. You must be more aware of your level of arousal, what your body is doing, how you are feeling, and the levels of your emotions such as anxiety. Sexual arousal for both men and women goes through four phases: initial excitement (or arousal), a longer lasting plateau stage, a shorter orgasm and ejaculation phase, and resolution.

In the arousal stage, your erection should normally develop. In the plateau stage, you should feel very aroused, your erection should be hard and full, and you should have a sense of being at the height of your sexual excitement.

After a certain length of time or after you have reached a certain point in the arousal phase (in which your arousal gradually increases) you are ready to ejaculate, and then, after you’ve come, the resolution phase begins, your erection goes down and your respiration returns to normal.

For any cure or treatment of erection problems to work, you need to be emotionally and physically aware of the level of arousal you have reached during each of these four phases; once you are aware of your level of arousal, you have a much better sense of what your body is doing. This gives you much greater potential to control what happens to it.

The basis of this statement is the observable fact that men with erection problems have often spent a lifetime tuning out the signals that their body is sending them during sex: instead of listening to feedback from their body which tells them how near or far away from ejaculation they may be, they may rely heavily on fantasy or sexual techniques to reach the point of ejaculation. To regain awareness of what your body is telling you during sex:

1) avoid drugs or alcohol – these blur your self-awareness

2) pay attention to your whole body, not just penis alone. Your entire body can be a source of pleasure during sex, the more you become body-centered rather than penis-centered, the more you are likely to enjoy sex.

If you can enter a state of relaxed awareness of your body, the less important it becomes to have an erection or not. In other words, losing your penis-centered approach to sex takes a level of pressure off you which can only help to increase the chances of you remaining erect when you wish to do so.

Using a system of deep breathing is a good way of remaining relaxed and encouraging further relaxation. As you may know, when you make love, your breathing tends to become much more shallow and fast as you get aroused: and breathing deeply is a very good way to stay relaxed.

Unfortunately, a lot of men do not understand this and take a lot of shallow breaths. Don’t do this – try and remain relaxed and breathe deeply. You may well be surprised how much effect this can have on your ability to become aroused and erect.

3) try and accept stimulation of your penis with a relaxed mind, without becoming tense, and without worrying about whether or not you’ll get an erection. This will consolidate your ability to remain aroused with or without an erection.

You can train yourself to do this by allowing your partner to masturbate you while you keep focused on your body, not just on your penis. Generally speaking, the more you wish to get an erection, the less likely it is to happen.  Repeat this several times over a few weeks.

4) continue this process for several weeks. At first, allow your partner to masturbate you while you relax; when you feel ready, repeat the experience, but this time have her rub her vulva over your penis. It’s essential that you remain relaxed while she does this.  Of course, you will realize that the instructions summarized here are just not written in enough detail to allow you to grasp every aspect of the process.

Once you have mastered control of your anxiety and you are able to remain relaxed at that level, you can try the same thing with oral sex. There isn’t necessarily a very quick way of learning how to stay relaxed during sex, but the more relaxed you remain, the more you will enjoy it.

More ideas to control your anxiety about losing your erection

The position you use for sex is important, as some positions contribute to a lot of bodily tension, and this exacerbate your anxiety. Try woman top sex positions or side by side positions for greater control.

Release your emotions during sex: for example, make as much noise as you feel you wish to, don’t be inhibited about it, or about expressing your experience. Letting whatever you feel out (rather than keeping it locked in your body) can help to release tension and will therefore help you to stay aroused and relaxed rather than anxious and turned-off.

Don’t get hung up about losing your erection. That happens even to men who don’t consider they have erectile dysfunction – it’s going to happen. You’re looking to become gradually more relaxed and calm during sex.

Make sure you meet your partner’s needs but don’t spend your entire sexual experience focusing on what she wants. Feeling responsible for your partner’s sexual needs is very stressful, and you can’t be into your own body if your attention is constantly turned outwards towards your partner. Women generally like long-lasting whole body sensuous massage, kissing and fondling.

Men often prefer something shorter and quicker, but if you spread your attention and effort over your whole body, you may find that the pressure to perform largely dissipates, and you may well find you become more erect because of it.

The whole sexual experience is there to be enjoyed. An erection might mean your body is ready for sex, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you are emotionally ready for sex. So spend lots of time enjoying foreplay with your partner. Cunnilingus is often a good way for a man to increase his own arousal without pressure – as long as you don’t feel obliged to give your partner an orgasm (and so put more pressure on yourself).

Learn some good sexual techniques. Learn something about her G spot, for example, and how you can best stimulate it. The results are often incredible, because making love to an aroused woman can be the best way of getting aroused yourself. And massaging and kissing your partner can be very erotic acts. If you want to learn more about these techniques, then it’s well worth finding out how you can enjoy sex uninhibitedly and satisfyingly.